I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize