Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
