So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
