apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
