Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
