the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
