i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
