His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
