Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
