I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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