You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
