If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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