Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
