I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just gargled with NyQuil
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
