I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
