Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
