return my video game
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
