I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
