come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
