Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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