Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
