Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
