Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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