I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think I just sharted jello shots
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