i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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