They should really pass out barf bags in church
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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