I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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