did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
