hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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