As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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