and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
