She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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