he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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