the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
