How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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