She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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