your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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