Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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