yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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