I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
