The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
