I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
