My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
