Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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