her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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