If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize