Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
