The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
