did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
