Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
