Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
