new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
