so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
