I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
