He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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