did you get engaged???
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
