We're facebook friends in real life
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
