You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
