You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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