im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was confusing and full of hummus
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
