Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
