you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
