Please, let me fuck your mom
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize