I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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