I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
