Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize