Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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