I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
