Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
