I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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