peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
