i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
