there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
