I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
